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This website is dedicated to Ol'Conrad.  He passed away shortly after Christmas, 2013.  He had made stupendous contributions to our hobby through his dedicated and careful breeding of aquatic animals.  He was a good friend and best buddy of Pete's and will not only be missed greatly by Pete, the hobby will forever have lost a valuable friend and asset. But his progeny will live on forever in his memory.
We have a new joke contest.  This one, your challenge is to send in the funniest jokes you can think of that pertains to Pete. And of course it is all in good fun.  The joke that comes the closest to making Pete pee his pants will win 
"A Trio of my yet to be released Albino "Super Cross" Guppies along with a years supply of food for them and some healthy floating plants."
SEND ALL ENTRIES TO
IAMLOTSOFFISH2@AOL.COM​
Scroll way down for the Pete jokes.
These first 2 were contributed by Lee R.
   There were two birds who sat on a perch, one said too the other can you smell fish? 



  Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

  A: Dam!

  Q: 2 fish in a tank, which one is called 'Bob'?

  A: The one in front, as the one behind is always calling his name!

  Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

  A: Fsh

  Q: Why are fish more clever than humans?

  A: Ever see a fish spend a fortune buying tanks to keep people in or buy people nets and people food?

  Remember that you can tune a piano.......but you can't tuna fish

  I found these at the following link. See what you can find if you just put out the initiative and search a little.
  http://www.thetropicaltank.co.uk/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=14786











  Two fisherman are out in the middle of a lake fishing, And not getting any bites.
  Suddenly one fisherman feels a tug on his line, and in his excitement he jumps to his feet and his wallet is caught 
  by the edge of the boat and falls in the water.

  Both fishermen watch in dismay as it slowly sinks.Then suddenly a big fish comes up to the top of the water and
  has the wallet on the tip of his nose! The fish then jumps and the wallet flies to another fish!
  This fish also jumps and it goes to another fish, until its being thrown back and forth among several fish.
  As the fishermen watch in amazement, one fisherman says to the other, "have you ever seen anything like this?"
  The other fisherman replies, "well, ya know, I've heard of wall to wall carpeting, but this is the first time I've ever seen
  Carp to Carp walleting!" submitted by tysgrandma 


  And more from tsgrandma :) you folks gonna let her out do you?  

  What do naked fish play with?…Bare-a-cudas

  Why are fish cleverer than humans?…Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

  What did the sardine call the submarine?…A can of people

  What do fish sing to each other?…Salmon-chanted evening

  What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer?…A four ton know it all

  Mother: Have you given the fish fresh water today?…Son: No, they haven’t drank yesterdays 

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
  When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
  His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the poop inside!"
  submitted by ???
A bear was fishing in a stream when it caught a huge salmon.
The salmon wiggled and flipped it's tail as hard as it could to get away, but it was no use.
As the bear brought the salmon closer to it's mouth the fish cringed and then it heard "do you have problems with poop sticking to your scales?"
Shocked, the fish said "excuse me"
The bear repeated "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your scales?"
The fish replied "No, why do you ask?"
The bear then wiped his butt with the fish and tossed it back in the water. 
submitted by joefish72
Why Fishing is Better Than Sex
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent night crawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing. 
submitted by tysgrandma 
Top 20 Reasons WHY FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX...

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with
you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,
you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you
become famous.

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished
with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to
feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't
object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish
by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if
they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood
to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office,
tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without
getting sued for harassment.

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to
subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest
of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses
interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to
enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just
Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"

submitted by greyfox

A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip. He began his day with an 8-pound bass on the first cast and a 7-pounder on the second. On the third cast he had just caught his first ever bass over 11 pounds when his cell phone rang.It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was, and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever on the water.
He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a stringer like he'd never seen, with 3 bass over 10 pounds. He was jubilant.
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty, he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the pond, your wife has been anguishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last fishing trip you ever take! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver forever!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.


The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. She's dead. What'd you catch?"

submitted by Greyfox

  Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
  First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
  Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I'll build her a new deck for the pool.
  Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her."
  They continue to fish when they realized the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
  Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 AM. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear a sweater." 


submitted by Greyfox




   Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
  "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
  The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
  As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"  submitted by Greyfox
submitted by tysgrandma
submitted by tysgradma
submitted by Greyfox

Geesh, I'd go fishing with
 Brad,everyday!!  Karen

video submitted by Yeahbut - yep good Ol'Yeahbut










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Submitted by MrLohachata

Pete and I ran a best joke contest awhile back 

AND THE WINNER WAS

Top 20 Reasons WHY FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX...

Submitted by
Greyfox
         Here is my joke to get you started.

"One day Pete walks into a bar.

Pete sits down at the bar, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a miniature piano and sets it on the bar. Pete then reaches into his coat pocket and takes out a ten inch tall gentleman wearing a tux with tails who commences to sit and play the most beautiful music on the piano. Pete orders a drink and begins to cry almost uncontrollably (he's very sensitive ;-)

The bartender walks over to Pete and asks "Why are you crying? That's gotta be the greatest thing I've ever seen!" When Pete calms down a little the bartender asks where he got him?

Pete says "Outside, across the street there is a huge oak tree and under the tree sits a Genie. Ask him to grant you a wish and he will, but I wouldn't recommend it."

The bartender in his excitement did not heed Pete's last statement and ran out of the bar and across the street. Under the oak tree sat a rather strangely dressed gentleman whom the bartender approached. "Are you the Genie?" he asked. The Genie replied "Wha...!?!" The bartender then wished for a million bucks. The Genie looked at him and said "Oh! Okay. No problem."

The ground began to shake, the sky turned dark with clouds. A hole opened in the clouds and out flew a million ducks. Duck poop was falling everywhere and the sound of quacking was deafening.

The bartender in disgust called the Genie a fraud and went back to the bar. Once back behind the bar the bartender looked at Pete and said "Either that Genie is an idiot or he's deaf?"

Pete looked up at the bartender and said "I warned you before you left that I wouldn't recommend getting a wish from him. Do you think I actually wished for a TEN INCH PIANIST!?!" 
Pete walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, Pete comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."Sure enough, the next day the laughter is back. Pete buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves.

The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store."Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies "Your house.   submitted by Greyfox
Pete and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.

Pete is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

Pete then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”  submitted by Greyfox


   Pete was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
  Pete replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
  "Pet fish?" the warden replied.
  "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
  "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
  Pete looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
  "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
  Pete poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
  "Well, What?" the Pete responded.
  "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
  "Call who back?" the Pete asked.
  "The FISH."
  "What fish?" the Pete asked.  submitted by Greyfox




As you can see, Greyfox is winning by default but also has top notch gut bustin, pants peein, entries.

Are you going to let him receive that nice box of Pete's new color,  Albino Super Cross Guppies, plus a year supply of food plus a handful of plants?
Pete Mang continued his criticism of President Obama today
joining House Republicans in blocking Same Sex Marriage Act.

As reason for criticism.
Mr Mang cited not only the Big Government spending needed to in force this bill
But it would also severely limit his
Pursuit of Happiness by intruding and limiting personal freedom,

He also described the bill as Job Killing
as it was a blatant attempt at limiting activity of Republican House Committees

Pointing to Republican House Leaders stating they also ..
like himself are obviously ambidextrous.

A motion was introduced to have bill change hands.  submitted by Yeahbut
"How do you drive Pete crazy?".....Put him in a round, rubber room and tell him to go find a corner!
"How do you make one-armed Pete fall out of a tree?"......You wave to him!!

"If Pete is drowning, how do you save him?"...You step on his head!!

"If Pete and another dude are falling off of a roof, who hits the ground first?".....Who cares?

Nothing against Pete, those are the only jokes that I know!!        submitted by Laineyann123

Pete and a splash tetra are sitting up in a tree,what do you call pete? "assistant branch manager!  submitted by  dsuperman

Pete Mang again agreed with House Republicans!
This time on issue of raising age of eligibility
for Social Security and Medicare to 70 Years.

Mr Mang at first objected,
but conceded to proposal after receiving an answer to only one question.

How old do I look?
At which time
Mr. Mang followed up with his own proposal
regarding Social Security and Medicare being approved simultaneously. Submitted by Yeahbut
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to lose Pete. "Your boyfriend will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Pete's girlfriend stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?" 
submitted by River11
UPDATE ON THIS LATEST CONTEST WITH PETE AS THE SUBJECT

Ok folks here is the scoop. I have been begging and threatening Pete to get me the photos of his amazing Super Cross Albino Guppies and until today, when I threatened to expose his phone number, to the mass media he has not gotten photos to me. LOL His excuse is he keeps taking the photos but, he is not happy with the results. I looked at the photos and while these are amazing guppies, I agree the camera work is not up to his standards. And considering the coloring of the subject, I can see why these would be difficult to capture in their glory. Plus, he told me he is selling them faster out of his basement than he can save some back to put up for auction on Aquabid.

Well, I told him to pick a trio and set aside for this contest and keep trying with the photos as they get older. I mean these are that nice!!! Or if he can not do that to let me know what else he wants to offer for a prize to the winner of this make a joke using Pete as the subject contest. And the prize was originally suppose to be a trio of these unreleased Super Cross Albino Guppies (at least ) to the market place outside of the walk in's to his basement. LOL tell those walk in's NO for christs sake Pete!!!

Meanwhile, I do not know what the prize will be but it better be something super PETE!!! OR ELSE!!!! 
scroll way down for latest on this contest.
we do have a winner!  
How about the time Pete lived in the woods for 7 months trying to mate with bigfoot.         submitted by Aquaman61   
Here is FBI photo when Pete got caught trying to join the Jihad. 
submitted by    Aquaman61
Exposing himself in the park after church. submitted by   Aquaman61   
Hell's Bells, Pete -- I thot you learned about the dreaded church ladies years ago!!!
AND NOW FOR THE PICK ON PETE JOKES --
OMG!!!!! did he try to cut firewood??  submitted by - Tysgrandma.
  No sense in stressing out over what sex your fish are, just do as Pete does, let em read.   submitted by Tysgrandma
Pete.
Submitted by Yeahbut
submitted by dsuperman

A friend is on the phone with Pete. He tells him that he just had sex with a Brazilian.

Pete replies back, "Oh my God! You're such a stud! How many is a Brazilian, anyway?" 

Submitted by tysgrandma
And we have a winner!!!  Congrats Denis - I think this cartoon would make a great teeshirt at some fish convention.  LOL